Paul Luckraft reviews ‘Has Anyone Seen My Father?’ by Marion Daniel (New Wine Press, 2008)

This is Marion Daniel’s first book and focusses on the important topic of fatherhood and other similar relationships. No-one would disagree that fathers hold a unique place in family life and that a person’s relationship with their father can have far-reaching consequences on their adult life especially in the area of emotional wholeness, so here is a book well worth investing in.

The author’s goal is not to preach or expound psychological principles but to allow God to bring healing and restoration through the truth of his Word. The book is in four parts, with each part ending in a helpful summary plus some prayers that readers can use if they have found that that particular section applies to them.

Gaining Perspective on Our Fathers

Part One explains the pattern of parenting and begins with an interesting outline of fatherhood during different phases of our national history. This is helpful as the age of each reader will determine when they were first in relationship with their father. For instance, older readers will need to know what it was like to be a father around the time of World War 2 and other periods of adversity and scarcity.

In more modern times, the emphasis may not be economic deprivation but rather that society has become more godless and time-consuming. Children today may be better provided for in material terms but starved of time and real love as the father is often absent through excessive work or other activities.

The author’s goal is not to preach or expound psychology but to allow God to heal through his Word.

The author stresses how important it is to realise what factors affected our father’s own upbringing and what traumas in his life made him the person he is. It could be “he was behaving in the only way he knew how given his own upbringing” (p22). Our dads were also children once, with their own unique experience of being parented.

Marion Daniel also makes us aware that our initial impressions of our fathers will inevitably have been childish ones, those of an immature person trying to come to terms with life and the world generally. A more adult reflection in later life is necessary to get a sense of reality and proportion into our thinking.

The Curse of Sin

At times the author is quite hard-hitting regarding the consequences of fathers who don’t know the Lord or walk in his ways. Their children will inevitably suffer in some way from such rejection or wickedness, and the effects can be disastrous.

Using Psalm 109, she states that “there is a very definite curse that comes upon the children of people who act wickedly before God” (p31). This might seem rather dramatic; however, she does continue that the power of any curse that results from the sin of our ancestors can be broken through Jesus.

It is important to realise what factors affected our father’s own upbringing.

Reconciliation and Adoption

Part Two examines Deuteronomy 6 in order to see what fathers should have done for their children in terms of direction and discipline. This is a useful section for Christians who are currently fathers or expecting to be fathers in the near future. Prevention is always better than cure!

Part Three covers the theme of reconciliation. Here the scripture to be drawn upon is the story of the prodigal son, obviously well-known to many but no doubt still able to speak powerfully into many situations. The section ends with three real life testimonies of those who have received God’s healing and restoration in this area.

Part Four is an important section in that it is intended to help those who never knew their father - either because they were adopted, or because their parents were “absent” (p75). It is to be assumed that this would include those who early in life became fatherless through death. We are reminded that God has a special concern for the fatherless and this is explained in terms of being adopted into his family.

One final point in this section is to explain how each local church needs ‘spiritual fathers’, those who can bring encouragement, consolation and direction to those who have missed out on these qualities from their natural fathers.

God has a special concern for the fatherless.

Practical and Useful Insights

Overall this is an important book that will help many people, though some may think that some of the statements made in it are rather simplistic and potentially misleading. For instance, “The emotion of anger is produced whenever a particular goal we have is blocked” (p21). It was commented to me that although anger may be a response to a blocked goal, this is not always the case. Perhaps matters are not always as straightforward as the book suggests, but certainly there are many practical and useful insights which, with God’s help, will produce healing in these areas.

One strong feature of the book is that it provides many scriptures to meditate on and refer back to once the book has been read. It would be well worth having a notebook handy to jot these down and also to note any pages of the book to re-visit at a later occasion.

Has Anyone Seen My Father (96 pages) is available for £5.99 from Sozo Books.

The family in Britain has undergone a revolutionary change since the beginning of last century, and is weaker than ever before. Clifford Hill discusses what we can learn from the early days of Christianity.

The family in Britain has undergone a revolutionary change since the beginning of last century. In the Victorian era the family was large and consisted of several generations. Children usually had a number of siblings as well as cousins and second cousins and aunties and uncles as well as parents and grandparents. The family was a community that gave identity, support and security to both children and adults.

Family life in Britain today has probably never been weaker. Many children do not even know their own grandparents and many could not name their cousins or second cousins. We are rapidly becoming a nation of individuals who lack identity and security, partly accounting for high levels of depression in British society.

Family life in Britain today has probably never been weaker. There is much we can learn from the early days of the Church, when people from all walks of life were drawn together as a family."

There is much that we can learn from the development of Christianity in its earliest days when people from all walks of life and from different ethnic communities shared a common experience of Jesus which drew them together as a family where they felt loved and valued.

Time of Transition

Roman society in the first century AD was in transition from a Republic to an Empire: from being governed by an elected Senate to coming under the control of an Emperor (a dictator). It was a time of social turmoil in which the one constant factor was the family. It was the family unit that gave stability to the whole Greco-Roman world in a time of great uncertainty.

The family at that time of transition was nothing like the family we know today in our Western civilisation. It was also nothing like the extended family in Victorian England or in African society. The family in Greco-Roman society was a household consisting of blood relatives, adopted children, servants and slaves. The larger households also included wage labourers at one end of the social scale and 'friends' at the other end.

Friends

The 'friends' were extremely high status, enjoying great prestige due to their close and intimate relationship with the head of the family, to whom they acted as counsellors and advisers. When Jesus conferred this title upon his disciples, he was paying them the highest tribute possible. He was sharing his inner thoughts with them; taking them fully into his confidence:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

Clearly, Jesus was fully familiar with the household structure of Roman society in making this statement. He knew that the highest status in Rome was to be called a 'Friend of Caesar'.

In Roman households, 'friends' enjoyed extremely high status, close intimacy with the head of the family and full confidence."

Adopted Children

The adoption of children played a large part in Greco-Roman society. The adopted child also enjoyed a privileged position within the family and a high status in society. There were six principles of adoption in Greek and Roman society, all of which have spiritual significance for us today (see also Paul's teaching in Galatians). These six principles are:

• The adopted child is considered a true son or daughter– as true as one born by blood
• The adoptive father promises to support the child and provide their daily necessities
• The adopted child cannot be repudiated by the adoptive father
• The adopted child cannot be reduced to slavery
• The adopted child cannot be reclaimed by his natural father
• By the adoption the child is constituted an heir of the adoptive father

Adopted children in Greco-Roman society were immensely privileged. They were considered true sons and daughters- true heirs –secure and provided for, and unable to be reclaimed by their natural father."

Paul had all of these principles in his mind when he declared to the Gentile Christians "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus" (Gal 3:26). He reinforced this with the statement "So you are no longer a slave, but a son: and since you are son, God has made you also an heir" (Gal 4:7). For a Jew to make this statement to the Gentiles was of huge significance! Paul was saying that because God had adopted them, they were actually more secure in the love of the Father than if they had been born Jews! What a wonderful re-assurance this is! God has actually chosen us and adopted us into his family!

Pater Familias

In Roman society the 'Pater Familias' (head of the family) was the ruler of his household. In large households he had enormous power. This was necessary in order to preserve unity within the family and to ensure its smooth working. Jesus was quite familiar with this kind of household, as is seen in his parable of the 'Unmerciful Servant' where the householder exercised absolute power (Matt 18:21-35). The unity of the household-family was essential for its survival which is reflected in Jesus' statement, "Every household divided against itself will not stand" (Matt 12:25).

The unity of the household-family was essential for its survival. Members had to be totally committed and share everything with each other, including their faith."

Family Unity

In order to preserve the unity of the family it was essential that they should share a common faith or religious commitment. When the head of the household became a Christian it was expected that the whole family would adopt the same faith, as when the Philippian jailer was converted. Luke's account of Paul and Silas praying and singing in prison that led to the jailer's conversion says "At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds: then immediately he and all his family were baptised" (Acts 16:33).

Early Church Model

It was this large household-family that became the model for the Early Church in New Testament times and for several centuries beyond. Jesus was the Head and all the members shared a common belief. They met in one another's homes and shared their food at a 'common meal' as they would in any family home, and there was love, loyalty, and commitment to each other.

Community of Believers

Since they were all adopted children, they were all of the same status in the family. There was no 'one-upmanship'. Their loyalty to the Head of the family – to Jesus, who had rescued them from a crooked generation steeped in the evil practices of darkness - had brought them into the kingdom of light. When they came together their joy overflowed in praise and thanksgiving. The risen Jesus was the Head of the family, the leader of the community. "Jesus is Lord!" was constantly upon their lips.

They were a community of believers; they were family- what a model for us! It would seem that in Britain today, everything conspires against this sort of living. Faith is lived out privately, behind closed doors. Lives are too busy to be deeply shared. Families are broken, far-flung and fluid. But where there is challenge, there is also opportunity for the light of the Gospel to shine- and shine it will, if we let it, in the growing darkness. This doesn't mean that Christians need to have 'perfect' nuclear families (indeed, the early Church model wasn't 'nuclear' at all). It means opening our doors wide to share our lives and our faith with others, in the love of Christ and the unifying power of the Holy Spirit.