It’s very easy to point at the things which particularly concern us and declare with great conviction, ‘This is the reason why we are witnessing the disintegration of society’. If we make claims like this we should be prepared to back them up.
To put my cards on the table, I happen to believe that the majority of suffering and wretchedness in our society could be cured if people would accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour and allow Him to refashion their lives. A major positive impact would be that we would abandon the secular world-view which has brought about the disintegration of the family, and instead adopt God’s biblical standard for marriage and family life. Even if people were not converted to Christ but only attempted to follow the Bible’s teaching outwardly, there would be a marked alteration for the better in human behaviour.
The Family in the Bible
This might not be as easy to back up as some may expect because the Bible does not contain a single clear definition of what a family is. A superficial reading of Scripture reveals very differing examples of family life and the relationships between men and women, parents and children. We witness polygamy, concubinage, adultery, fornication, slave women being used to carry on a family line, even wholesale abduction of women (Judges 21:23) as a method of preventing a tribe of Israel from dying out. Some of the most celebrated men and women in Scripture were spectacularly bad parents, particularly when it came to favouritism between their children.
Some of the most celebrated men and women in Scripture were spectacularly bad parents.
The descriptive is not the prescriptive
Opponents of Christianity immediately jump on this and see the examples of poor behaviour amongst biblical leaders as signifying Scriptural approval, or at least acceptance, of such conduct. What unbelievers choose to ignore is that above all, the Bible is a realistic book and accurately describes human behaviour as it is, warts and all. That David organised the murder of Uriah, the husband of his lover Bathsheba, does not signify God’s approval of either murder or adultery: it shows instead that there are no plaster saints, just fallen human beings. The descriptive is not the prescriptive. What we have to do is look for the principles within Scripture which teach us about family life.
The Family Is fundamental
From the opening chapters of Scripture we see that God’s plan has always been for men and women to live together in harmony and to bring up their children to work usefully within creation (Gen 1:28, 2:24). This is reinforced in the Ten Commandments. The fifth commandment, the first of those about inter-human relationships, concerns the honour that children owe to their parents, indicating that there is a family unit and roles within it to be respected. The seventh commandment, which prohibits adultery, protects the sanctity of marriage. The health of the basic family unit of husband and wife was so important to God that it formed part of His fundamental law for all mankind.
The health of the basic family unit of husband and wife was so important to God that it formed part of His fundamental law for all mankind.
The New Testament continues this teaching with the same commands and prohibitions. Jesus speaks on the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman in Matthew 19:1-9 where he speaks out against ‘no-fault divorce’. The apostle Paul talks about what Christian homes should look like when he gives the twin commands of “children, obey your parents” and “parents, don’t provoke your children” in Ephesians 6:1–4 and Colossians 3:20–21.
The biblical pattern for family life is one where the differing people within the family honour each other and respect their roles and positions within the family unit. This entails caring for each other. The Bible has harsh words to say to those who don’t take care of their own relatives, especially the ageing. Jesus describes as ‘hypocrites’ those who try to wriggle out of their financial responsibility to their parents (Matt 15:4-9). Paul says that failure to do so makes a supposed Christian “worse than an unbeliever” (I Tim 5:8).
Our society is marked by ‘demands’: for our rights, that our opinions be approved, that our cause, our agenda, our wishes be respected. The scriptural way to a harmonious life is the opposite.
Harmony within the family is built on an attitude completely at variance with the way of the world. Our society is marked by ‘demands’: for our rights, that our opinions be approved, that our cause, our agenda, our wishes be respected. The scriptural way to a harmonious life is the opposite: it is that of mutual submission. Problems inevitably arise in families; we could avoid many of them by following the teaching in Philippians 2:2-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
What About unbelievers?
Some Christians argue that as unbelievers are rebels against God, they can never truly follow Christ’s teaching, which means they cannot experience the full blessing of a godly family life. By no means are non-believers shut off from the benefits of following biblical teaching. God is creator of all. Believer and unbeliever inhabit the same physical and moral universe. What is good for the believer is good for the unbeliever. The prohibition against theft (Ex 20:15) defends not only the property but also the moral standing of believer and unbeliever alike. Adherence to God’s instructions, even if from the wrong motives, brings distinct benefits.
Adherence to God’s instructions, even if from the wrong motives, brings distinct benefits.
Christians have the great advantages of a closer knowledge of God’s revealed will, recourse to prayer, the aid of the Holy Spirit and the underlying desire to live in Christ’s way. Even then we Christians can fail in our relationships: there are no perfect families. But we know that by listening to God and attempting to live by His principles we have happier and more fulfilled lives.
God’s pattern for family life is something to which believer and non-believer alike can aspire. A wider recognition of this would have a significant impact on the quality of life generally in our society.
The Rev. Dr Campbell Campbell-Jack is a retired Church of Scotland minister. Check out his many incisive articles on his blog, A Grain of Sand.