Scots-born influential US pastor Alistair Begg created a huge stir recently, when responding to a Christian woman who called in to his radio show saying that her grandson was about to marry a ‘transgendered person’, and wanting to know if she should attend the wedding.

Why the fuss?

Begg advised that as long as the grandson knows that she believes it is sinful and that she does not agree with it, then she should attend the ceremony, and even buy them a gift. He felt her absence would simply reinforce the fact that she is “judgmental” and “critical.”

Dozens of church leaders and hundreds of Christians have written blogs, articles and social media posts denouncing Begg’s advice, (from UK shores alone, read here and here), and insisting that attending the event was an expression of affirming sin.

Begg-ing to differ

One of those who differed with Begg was the Rev Campbell Campbell-Jack. In his thoughtful article, he shares his opinion that, “The supposed gains that might come about by being ‘kind’ or by not giving offence are more than offset by the price to be paid. One of the major reasons why people do not know Christ is because Christians too readily water down his claims in order to avoid difficult situations. Attendance at a same-sex wedding sends a message that Christians hold their principles to be negotiable.”

He felt her absence would simply reinforce the fact that she is “judgmental” and “critical.”

Prophecy Today contacted several colleagues and PT readers, of differing ages and social and church backgrounds, keen to obtain their feedback. We asked them how they would react if it was their grandson’s transgender ‘wedding’. Interestingly, this form of questioning led to a more nuanced and, overall, more sympathetic reaction than those appearing in blogs and on social media.

Respectful disagreement

Nevertheless, a number still disagreed with the Rev Begg’s advice. A retired pastoral couple stated, “we certainly would not stop loving them and visiting them, but do not think we would want to condone their union by attending.” Another said, “I just couldn’t engage joyfully at all, so it would be pointless attending”, though he noted that his wife felt differently. A keen PT follower wrote; “The lady’s grandson may well have respected her more if she lovingly told him why she could not attend … If he loved her he would respect her view … it would have been more of a witness not to go; she could have bought him a Bible as a present, perhaps before the event.”

Of those who disagreed with Begg, nearly all respondents were sharing personal opinions rather than telling the grandmother in question what she ought to do (presumably acknowledging that it would be best for her to hear from the Lord directly for herself). Nor were they insisting that believers with differing opinions were necessarily wrong.

Of one accord

But many of those who responded very much shared Begg’s sentiments. One evangelical pastor was quite clear that going to the ceremony “would show love, not necessarily approval.” Another reflected that she would certainly go, “for the sake of family and the restoration of relationships.” Yet another said that although he had strong reservations, “Out of love and respect for someone I loved, I think I would attend.”

... many of those who responded very much shared Begg’s sentiments

One person said she saw it as “a tremendous opportunity with potential conversations about life and faith to be had with guests … we don't snub wedding invites from other folks who don't live God's way”. A church leader shared, “My instinct would be to not go, but as I prayed, I suspect I would end up on the other side of the aisle, going out of love – but going with a heavy heart and certainly not being able to celebrate”. For other pro-Begg views, read here and here.

Alistair Begg has since doubled down on his same-sex wedding advice, but suggested that his answer was specific to the particular circumstances of the grandmother and could not necessarily be applied to every situation. (Listen to Dr Begg’s clear views on homosexuality here.)

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Should Christians attend transgender ceremonies? (by Kathryn Price)

“For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17)

Yet another division has arisen in the western Church over gender issues – this time between those seemingly on the ‘same side’ of the debate: i.e., those who follow the traditional (biblical) view that marriage is for one man and one woman and who maintain that our gender is God-given, not something that we can choose.

Shunning sinners

Despite holding to thoroughly orthodox views on homosexuality and other related matters, Begg has been dropped by radio network American Family Radio owing to his ‘controversial’ views. Sadly, this is entirely the sort of reaction that has allowed such a pushback by Pride activists over the decades. Often, stridency by gay and trans activists has been sharpened by deeply unpleasant reactions they have had from church and family members.

Sadly, this is entirely the sort of reaction that has allowed such a pushback by Pride activists over the decades.

Quite simply, it is one thing to disapprove of ‘alternative’ ways of doing things, to maintain that God’s best for humanity and for individuals is what He gave us as a gift, and set out in Scripture – that of marriage between one man and one woman (with a special place for celibacy and singleness – no-one should feel forced to marry).

But it is quite another thing to shun those who partake in behaviours that we believe to be ‘sinful’. And refusing to attend a grandson’s wedding would be seen as a shun by most – even if it is not intended that way. I would have seen it that way if my atheist aunt and uncle had refused to attend my own ‘religious’ church wedding (they came, despite their discomfort at all the hymns and prayers and evangelistic sermon – family is important to them). They weren’t compromising their atheism by attending my wedding any more than this grandmother would be her Christian faith by attending her grandson’s special day.

Many of us may have to make a similar decision to this lady, whether for family members or for colleagues, neighbours or friends, as more and more people who ‘marry’ are same-sex or transgender. This is quite a separate issue to debating whether our churches should celebrate and ‘sanctify’ such unions (I believe that they should not, for they are not ordained by God in Scripture).

What would Jesus do?

This, rather, is a question of “What would Jesus do?” And I think that a very quick glance at the gospels is all that is needed.

This is quite a separate issue to debating whether our churches should celebrate and ‘sanctify’ such unions – they should not, for they are not ordained by God in Scripture.

Jesus was routinely criticised by the Pharisees and the teachers of the law: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” (Luke 15:2). He was invited to meals that would count as celebrations with those upon whom the religious authorities looked down. “While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.” (Mk 2:15)

Considerations

Attending any wedding is not necessarily an ‘endorsement’ of that wedding – though in most cases it is indeed a cause for celebration. I think that it would be much harder to attend a wedding of a beloved friend or family member when you know that the spouse-to-be is cruel, manipulative, a cheater or a domestic abuser. Yet even then, I would rather go, so that the friend knew that I would be there for her or him when everything went wrong. In the end, attending such an event signals your love for the person – not, automatically, your approval of the relationship.

It could of course mean having to manage tricky conversations. But a few carefully rehearsed phrases can be a starter, such as “I’ve not yet got to know my grandson’s partner, and I’m struggling to get my head around the situation, but I’m looking forward to getting to know him/her.” This gives the opportunity to look gracious, while also admitting that you are not comfortable with the arrangement. This may open up the possibility of a more fruitful conversation, and even possibly the opportunity to share the gospel.

This may open up the possibility of a more fruitful conversation, and even possibly the opportunity to share the gospel.

As for the difficulty of having to stay silent when asked if there is any reason the couple should not be joined in holy matrimony – it’s simple: stay silent. This is principally a legal question (and by legal, I mean, in the laws of this land, not God’s laws). There are no legal reasons – unless you know one of the couple to be already married.

Love first

This is about much more than a little spat in a US church. It's about the principle of showing grace and mercy, as opposed to sticking purely to hard-line concepts of what we see as ‘Truth’ – and insisting others see things the same way.

Jesus never endorsed sin – but He was much more critical of those who showed no grace to others. For, “whoever is without sin, they can cast the first stone.”

Love comes first. Then we are in a position to state our concerns – always seasoned with grace.